by Ella D'Arcy

Created on: May 26, 2007

Trust is built up over time. So is the relationship between a man and a woman in a marriage. If this trust is broken, it will need double the time and probably more than double the effort it took for the relationship to become what it was, before trust was broken. But trust has a lot to do with respect; one can only respect someone who takes care not to do damage to the other.

In "trust" there is something like unseen threads binding together two people in an intimate relationship. Through the years of marriage this trust becomes a cloth woven from those threads between these two people. Cheating on the other, is one aspect in a relationship, which really harms this cloth, sometimes resulting in such severe burning of the cloth, that it can never again be repaired. But where two people in such a damaged marriage can come to a compassionate, adult agreement to work together on the marriage cloth, and with infinite patience restore it by mending all the holes, there is a chance of rebuilding trust.

The first fraying of the marriage cloth:
It is interesting that when a woman is untrue to her husband, it often commences with the loss of caring for his wife by the husband, in whatever way too busy, often traveling, simply forgetting - that could lead to her falling in "love" with the slightest incitement of an attentive man in her surroundings; someone who would make her feel wanted and admired once more.

When it is the man who is untrue, it could happen because of the same reasons or have something to do with children being born and the mother having to look after them etc., but in such a case much harder work, maybe even marriage counseling will have to be turned to, as a man in such an instance will not be taking his part of the partnership of marriage serious enough.

In many cases it starts with a casual flirtation with someone in his surroundings. When the woman in question does not repudiate him, but enjoys his attentions, even flirts back, trouble starts. He too might then fall in love with someone who makes him feel the perfect man', virile, attractive; he probably courts this woman with flowers, dinners and perfume, like he used to court his wife, and now the vicious circle is on the making.

How then to rebuild trust?
The one, say it is the husband, who did the cheating, would be the one to give his word (and mean it) to his wife that:
a) he still loves her the way he used to and wants to carry on the marriage
b) all contact with the third party would end forthwith
c)

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