by Maxwell Cynn

Created on: May 26, 2007   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

To quote a well known cheater; it depends on what your definition of is, is. Actually we must first define what we mean by "sleeping with". We will assume that it includes intimate sexual relations. But again the answer to the original question depends on other factors as well. What is cheating to one may not be for another. I would hazard to say that we can give one definition of cheating as anyone in a monogamous relationship who has sexual relations outside of that relationship without the consent of their primary partner. That is key, as "cheating" is a very subjective term. One person might consider it cheating for their partner to only kiss another person while another might see no foul at all.

I would also say that there is a big difference in men and women's ideas of what exactly cheating is. There are also differences dependent on types of relationships. In the case of a woman sleeping with another woman we must first look at what type of relationship she is in. If her primary partner is female then sleeping with another woman would almost certainly be considered cheating. Yet if her partner were male it may or may not be looked at that way. Some men may only consider it cheating if she were to sleep with another man. They may not consider a same sex relationship to be a problem, possibly even finding it erotic.

The simplest answer to the question is that "cheating" is highly subjective and dependent on the specifics of a relationship. If one person in a relationship considers an act to be cheating then it is by definition cheating for that particular relationship. It is something that must be agreed upon by both parties. If I considered my partner kissing another man to be cheating then it is for our relationship. I would not have the same feelings about her kissing, or even "sleeping with", another woman but other men may not agree. Each relationship must define their own parameters.

Communication is essential. Cheating is at its root a betrayal of trust between people. It can take many forms, sexual and non-sexual, and all are hurtful to the relationship. By communicating our needs, desires, and expectations, we set a framework for trust. So is a woman sleeping with another woman cheating? It depends on what your definition of cheating is.

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