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and talk through why the situation came about. Perhaps your partner is having problems that you know nothing about or perhaps they have found it hard coping with a difficult situation. Infidelity can often point to issues within the marriage. Share your feelings with each other.

Make sure that the affair has ended and recommit to each other. Give each other a bit of space and be aware of the fact that both of you have a lot of working out to do. You have had a huge shock and must come to terms with what has happened and your partner is probably feeling very guilty and sorry for the hurt they have caused you so they have their own feelings to deal with too.

Seeing a marriage counselor may help in talking about some things openly that you may have trouble sharing between you. This also helps to make a public show of re-commitment to the future.

If you have come through all this and you are learning to trust and getting closer to forgiving then you have a chance to make your marriage better and stronger than before. Many people find that it gives them a deeper and more intimate relationship than they ever had and so in the end they haven't lost something special instead they have gained something even better a partnership that can grow with honesty and a deeper understanding each other, bringing a closeness that perhaps you didn't have before.

Learn more about this author, Jane Allyson.
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