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Coping after a death of a loved one is hard to do. It's even harder if you blame yourself. The thing is , is that most of us who experience a tragedy like death of a love one, we often search until we find a way it could have been our fault in some way.
The harsh truth most of the time is not to our liking so we search until we find that gray area.You can always look until you find it , and thats the trouble. I know this from past experience of my brothers death.

I was living in Florida at the time. My brother was 18 , he was going to come stay with me for a while. He wanted to come a week earlier than i could come after him.I wished i would have come earlier,then for he would not be dead.
I got a call one morning it had to be about 8am. It was my mom, right away i knew something was wrong by the way she sounded. When i heard the words your brother is dead, i totally went into shock.We were close and all i could think at that moment was , if i would have picked him up last week he wouldn't be dead. My mom then told me he had shot himself.
The day i talked to my brother he didn't sound depressed. He was his usual self, talking normal. I did find it strange that he said "i love you " before he hung up. My brother wasn't the type to say those words. You knew he loved you but he just didn't feel comfortable saying the words.
I came home that night. My mom said he had done it over some girl. At that point i wanted a piece of the girl. I blamed her i blamed myself, i blamed mostly myself though. As the years went by i found that blaming myself was doing no good it would not bring him back. Fact is i only felt worse and got more depressed.
I found my own way to deal with it. Thats the point for those who blame themselves, if you didn't physically do it , it's not your fault. You can beat yourself up or you could go on living like that person would have wanted you to.

Learn more about this author, Kimberly Martin.
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