by Furry Monster

Created on: May 25, 2007

THE LOOKING GLASS

Am I alone? Am I lonely? so why then do I feel it?
Is that my reflection in the mirror? Or is it his? Or have we become one?

I thought, I had long left his memories behind. Yet, I can see his face in my reflection, I can see it in my soul.
I can not comprehend the reasons for this metamorphis. I have ever so desperately tried to leave him behind, to bury his memories, to relinquish myself from these feelings.

These damn feelings!
Then why can I not erase him from my mind. Am I insane? Am I deluded? Is this a dream that I have n't yet woken up from?

I see his face in others. I search for him in other men. I smell his sweet scent in the air- it sometimes lingers in my nostrils.
I try to tear him out of my mind.
Overwhelmed, that's it. I'm overwhelmed by the emotions bubbling in my throat. They are almost choking me. Strangling me, with their naked hands.
I honestly thought I had left him behind. Honestly.
Then why is he still with me? Why? Somebody, reply to my cries!
Please believe me, I am not obsessed. I am not posessed. I am not the devil.
Then why can I not forget? Why do I remain restless? Disturbed? Tormented?
Why can I feel his rough hands on mine? Why can I almost hear his deep voice caressing me?
I wonder if he can hear me? See me? Smell me?

Is it true that I am standing alone infront of the mirror?
Then who is that I can feel stroking my hair? Twirling it around his index finger.
I am surely not imagining it. Am I?
Look! look! I beg you, hurry! If you are quick enough, you will catch his cheeky grin, lazy wink and his lingering gaze holding mine- daring me to look away.
See, he is real, he is standing, very still beside me- watching our reflections. I can feel his warm breath on my skin, I can feel it melt away our sorrows.
I can feel him deep within my soul.
I can hear his hearty laughter.
Yet, I know full well he is a memory, long dead.
But he always feels so real to me.

He is always on the otherside of the looking glass.
I look away.
Betrayed by my very own heart.
I throw the hairdryer at it.
I watch it shred to pieces. I watch him crack into small fragile fragments that I can not mend.
I have just caught a glimpse of his sad shudder before he fades from my sight.
My heart breaks, again.
The gut wrenching pain, consumes me.
Please make it stop.
I know I will do this all over again.

I will replace the mirror. I will. But not today.
Today, I will sleep; without him. I will sleep alone.
Let me be, free me for a moment.
I will come back, just not today.
We are inseperable. Alone and lonely in our own, special misguided ways.
Trust me.
Wait for the next looking glass.
I will search for you. I promise- I will.

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