by Tina Callison

Created on: May 25, 2007

He popped the question. You have the ring. Wedding planning is in full swing. While you are picking out everything from bridesmaids' dresses to flowers and centerpieces, don't forget to sit down with your fiance and have some meaningful discussions about your life together after the
wedding.

"Who's going to do the dishes?"

It's easier to talk now about how you are going to divide up household chores, rather than waiting until after you are married and are both refusing to do any housework because you are both afraid of getting stuck doing more than your fair share. Whose turn it is to do ____ (fill in the blank with your favorite chore) is a common argument among newlyweds. Rather than straining your relationship over something rather trivial, take the time to talk about it now. Does one of you absolutely hate doing the dishes, but really doesn't mind doing laundry? Come up with a tentative plan now about how the chores will be divided up, and then revisit this plan regularly after marriage to discuss whether or not the plan is working, or if changes need to be made. Discuss who is going to do what, as well as what the expectations are for each chore - i.e. doing laundry involves washing, drying and putting the clean laundry away. This will help you both avoid misunderstandings in the future.

"Who's going to take out the trash?"

Talking about household chores was probably a relatively easy discussion, while this one may be a little harder. By taking out the trash, I'm talking about letting go of past relationships, and other things that have happened before the two of you were together. Talk about any feelings (romantic or otherwise) that either of you may still hold for any old flames. Also talk openly about things that you may have done in the past that you regret - sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. Agree that once you are married, none of these past transgressions will be used unfairly in any arguments. This means that you cannot bring up anything that either of you may have done before marriage in a mean or hurtful way. What happened in the past needs to stay in the past. If you have both agreed that you want to be married, then you have both agreed to accept the other person for who they are now, regardless of anything they may have done before you were together.

"Who's going to feed the cat?"
Are either one of you bringing any pets, children, or other dependants into this marriage? If so, now is the time to talk about how this affects both of you. Are both of you comfortable

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