by Zeni

Created on: May 24, 2007

Two years ago I decided that would move from California to England. I am not talking New England either, I mean a place that at first glance seems to be a nice pleasant place. Living here has taught me a lot so far, that being a woman and of color is not really a good thing in this part of the country. never have I lived in place where they actually "made me feel" truly sad about being a woman of color. I had always been happy go lucky.

Since being here in the Northwest of England, I find that I have become self conscience of everything I do, from the way O style my hair to the way I dress, and speak. It is a awful feeling, of not being sure of yourself. I am no longer sure of the woman I am and should be anymore. I have become afraid. I have had teens throw snow balls at the windows shouting "American go home", I have had service denied because of my color. I often wonder if I have stepped back in time to the south in America.

True,no place is perfect, but I can truly say that at least in America, "I knew where I should not be going, I knew where the danger was lurking, I was prepared". In The Northwest, I never know when someone is going to say something racial to me or be pleasant? I am on edge all the time. I find that people in general are nice and kind, extremely helpful. I often wonder if it is me, and maybe I am giving off some sort of bad vibe. I dismiss that thought, quickly as I know I am a down to earth person who would not hurt a fly. I have learned in recent days that a few people in this area are just not accustomed to people who are a darker shade.

I must admit, I am now emotionally at a point where, I know "I need" to find my personal strength and become a emotional fighter for my own peace of mind. I do not like what this country has made me become. What I mean by that is I came here believing I was going to learn something new, not run into the what I already knew..."racism". I guess a part of me wanted to believe that maybe I could find a place to live where there was a feeling of peace. I guess in a way that is why I refuse to leave. I will not turn tail and run from this place. After all I did pay all the proper fees, and filled in all the application forms to be here legally. So why can't I have a bit of peace?

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