by Joseph Button

Created on: May 24, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

So you've probably heard about the Paris Hilton thing, right? On the off-chance that you don't own a radio, television, newspaper or magazine subscription, and managed to get to this article without encountering any pop-up ads or news related headlines, let me catch you up.

In September 2006, Ms. Hilton was arrested and charged with a DUI and had a Blood Alcohol Content level of 0.08, the legal limit in the State of California. She pled no contest, and was placed on 36 months' probation as well as ordered to pay fines of roughly $1,500.

Can we take a short break right here? I have to go on a very tiny tangent regarding the fines. $1,500? Really? She has an estimated inheritance ranging between $30-$50,000,000 and we charge her $1,500? Isn't the national debt hovering somewhere around $450 billion? Now, $1,500 to someone like you or me is a lot of money. But when you have upwards $30 million, maybe we should consider a sliding scale program. I'm sure I could find $1,500 lying under the cushions of her couch. But, alas, I digress... I now return you to your regularly scheduled article already in progress...

Back in March of this year, Ms. Hilton violated the terms of her probation by "speeding without her headlights on (because speeding WITH your headlights on is perfectly fine), driving with a suspended license, and failing to enroll in a court-ordered alcohol education program." In May, Paris was sentenced to 45 days in prison for violating her probation, and is expected to begin her jail term on June 5, or risk doubling her sentence. She has since, of course, filed an appeal.

Here's where things start to get interesting... Recently, a petition was launched requesting fans sign it in the hopes that Governor Schwarzenegger will pardon her because, and I quote, "She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." She sure does provide a lot to the US AND the world. I'm sorry, I shouldn't mock the writer. It's just that I have so little else to do in my otherwise mundane life. Logic would tell me that someone in her camp created this petition. However, I almost want to believe that a fan wrote it because the verbiage used feels as if it was penned by a 12-year-old girl. If it was a clever ruse by someone on her staff, who requests help by berating the very people that you seek aid from? And, moreover, what kind of a human being would sign that? I mean, she just insulted

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