by Steven Pike

Created on: May 24, 2007

A man means:

Peeing with the seat up.

Peeing standing up. Anywhere. Anytime.

Never needing directions.

Never needing a plumber.

Being the master of any remote control.

Having the natural ability to drive.

Having an atrocious memory when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries etc, but being able to rattle of the winners of the last 9 World Cups and remembering every goal scored.

Never using the word "cute".

Not knowing the meaning of the word "cute".

Having hairy ears.

Having an appreciation of gutter level humour.

You are a master of the art of sarcasm.

You have to have a go at fixing it yourself first.

You will look under the bonnet of your mates new car.

Having a scratch first thing in the morning.

Being completely happy using a cheap brand of shampoo.

Owning a bottle of Old Spice.

You like beer.

Owning a power drill and a decent lawn mower.

You will eat, and like, steak.

Shaving.

Never finding anything unless it's right in front of your face.

Forgetting at least one important date a year.

Not knowing what colour the curtains are, even though you have seen them every day for the last 5 years.

Hating cats.

Watching Motor sport.

Not caring if the sofa and the carpet clash.

Owning the biggest LCD screen you can afford.

Not worrying about what you are going to wear.

Yep, it's a hard life this being a man.

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