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To deal with a disrespectful teenager or pre-teen you must treat them with respect. Most teens are disrespectful out of spite towards their parents. They are also out to prove their worth in defiance.

A few things you have to remember are, your child didn't start out this way, they do love you, and they just want your respect.

Most often disrespect is their way of testing you to see what your reaction will be. IF you react in anger, hostility, and punishment, you will be reacting in the way they predicted.

Often as a parent you are just trying to do what is best for you child. You are trying to protect them from danger, or heartache, or possible trouble. However the problems are in the methods you are using, not your child.

The following are tips to improve your relationship with your teenager, while still maintaining your authority figure status.

1. Make the rules clear. Do not say things like "I would like you to...I wish you would...Can't you just...Why don't you..." These types of commands sound optional to a difficult child who is trying to test you. Using statements like "You are to be home by your curfew or you will be grounded this weekend. It is your responsibility to make sure your chores are done before you..."

2. Make punishments clear and responsible. Don't threaten something you know you aren't or can't follow through on. If they break their curfew they are grounded for a few days, not months. You have to give them chances to mess up to learn from their mistakes. But, you also have to give them a chance to show you that they can be responsible.

3. Treat them with respect. This means not saying things like, "You always...You never...This is so like you...I can't stand you when you do this...You make me so mad...You just like (insert someone who would be an insult)..." What you want to do is encourage them by showing them that you trust them. We all make mistakes, you have to forgive the mistakes and assure them that you trust they will make a better choice the next them.

4. Remember what it was like to be a teenager. Most of us have done things that were questionable while we were a teen, but for most of us what we did was still done in a responsible way. You know that it is almost certain they are going to experiment with some things like sex. It is your job to teach them how to make responsible choices so that they don't end up hurt or with a disease.

5. Don't assume the worst. If your child is out past their curfew, wait up for them. But when they come

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