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Is your spouse being emotionally abusive to you? Do you find yourself thinking twice or even three or four times before you say or do something? Do you avoid meeting up with your friends and family? Do you feel more relaxed when your partner isn't around? Perhaps you go through periods of depression, lethargy, rage, despair. Or perhaps you find yourself eating too much or little, getting drunk, or just wishing you could run away. Chances are that you are being emotionally abused at home.

Yes, it's possible to be in an emotionally abusive relationship for years without realizing exactly what is wrong. It often starts in small ways - little rows or arguments about something you said or did, the way you look or cook or clean or speak, how you behave in social situations.....the list is endless.

In the beginning, you are in love, you want your relationship to succeed, and so you want to compromise. You may argue back, but you want everything to be fine in your relationship, so you agree to change. You don't spend time making yourself look good when you go out with friends because he wants to know if you are meeting a man. You are quieter at family events because he doesn't like the way you tell jokes to your sister. You don't cook the food that you enjoy because he thinks its a waste of time.

Gradually, your life changes. And your confidence ebbs away, little by little. You find that you don't argue back much now, you know it's pointless. You do the things he wants you to do, you talk less while he's around, you try not to think too much.

The sad thing about this whole thing is that you begin to think that this is what love is. You are miserable, but blame yourself for being a bad wife. You loose your friends, your family, and your life.

It may take you years to realize what is happening, and by the time you do you may not know how to change it or stop the destructive pattern. You are living with an emotional bully, and you are trapped.

If this sounds familiar, your spouse may be emotionally abusing you. Recognizing the problem is the first step in dealing with a situation that ruin your life and leaving you wondering where it all went wrong. Talk it over with someone you trust - sister, friend, family doctor, counselor. Don't let this go on any longer, because believe me, it will not stop unless you take action. You can survive a relationship that is abusive, but may need help to rebuild your confidence and your life.

Learn more about this author, Gill Breeze.
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