by Amanda Piper

Created on: May 22, 2007

Arguments are a part of relationships. There is no way of avoiding them. It is impossible to see eye to eye on every topic and discussion, and a difference of opinion can lead to a debate, and possibly and argument. This is a healthy part of relationships, allowing couples to express their feelings and opinions. After a healthy argument or debate both people may feel better that they have said what was on their mind and they have reached a compromise or negotiation.

The problem begins when an argument escalates into a full blown fight. Fighting usually occurs when one person has become upset. We become upset for many reasons during an argument. Perhaps our feelings were hurt by something that was said, perhaps we feel we are not being heard, or possibly we feel our feelings are not being validated. Once this happens we feel we need to hurt the other person in turn, or get revenge for the way they made us feel. We may then resort to name calling and bringing up past issues that are either irrelevant or outdated.

Eventually we get over these fights and the hurt feelings they caused, but are usually left with the aftermath of bitterness and a lack of trust. Often times this leads to problems with emotional intimacy. You or your partner may feel that sharing your feelings with each other will only give them a weapon to use against you. You hide behind a wall of anger so as not to admit your true feelings of pain, despair, or disappointment. You may eventually lose your sense of connection and closeness with your partner.

Avoiding this downward spiral of hurt and anguish sounds easy, but applying it may be difficult. It can be a constant battle to keep arguments on the right track. You may find yourselves taking steps backward, but as long as you continue to strive for improvement, you will see results. Don't expect your partner to improve, at least not overnight. The only person you can control is yourself. However you may find that by taking small steps towards improvement will inspire your partner to do the same.

Here are a few tips I have picked up on how to avoid fights;

When you are asked what's wrong, don't say "nothing!". Answer the question open and honestly. If you aren't in the mood to talk or really aren't sure why you're upset at the time, you can just tell your partner you don't want to talk just yet, but that you will tell them when you are ready.

Remember your partner isn't a mind reader. This is a huge problem for the ladies. Men are expected to know

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