by maiac

Created on: May 22, 2007

If your child is constantly trying to get the upper hand in every situation, you may have a problem with a controlling child. Take my advice - deal with this behavior as soon as you spot it, or it will be your child that suffers in the long term.

Understand that the child is crying out for you to take control of the situation so that he can feel safe again. To explain, imagine this - you are on an airplane and see a door marked "No Entry". You open the door, just to see what happens, and find yourself in the cockpit, where the pilot immediately hands over his seat and the airplane controls to you! You are now in control, but have no idea how to fly the plane. Get the picture?

Understand that the child needs YOU to be in control. I am not talking about being over-controlling, just about being a caring, responsible parent.

Tackle this problem at home, so you don't feel judged by others while you are taking back control. If your young child challenges your authority, keep calm but remain firm. They will challenge you again and again, but stick to your guns. Be prepared - this could take some time! Your child may become angry, frustrated, hurl insults at you, cry, throw things, slam doors. But if you understand that, underneath all of this distressing behavior, the child secretly needs to know that you are in charge of the situation, it will help you to stay strong.

The same principle applies to older children and teenagers. Learn to say No! and stick to it. Teenagers need this more than you may think. You may want to explain your reasons to them so they understand your decision, but stay firm. If your teenager resorts to temper tantrums, rudeness or aggression, don't be swayed. But if, on the other hand, they are able to talk to you calmly, to negotiate, you may decide to compromise with them. In this way you are showing them that you will trust them to take a little more control if they show that they are behaving maturely.

Children who are allowed to control families make everyone's lives miserable, including their own. Help them to return to being happy and secure children, safe within the boundaries that you have set for them, and they will grow up to be sensible teenagers, and secure, independent adults.

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