by Rosa Radikalis

Created on: May 21, 2007   Last Updated: May 22, 2007

My sister almost died from final stage alcoholism earlier this year. She lives in England and I live in the US with my husband. I went to visit my family in Britain over Christmas and when I returned to the States, I truly thought I would never see my sister again.

My sister is recovering now, and has not touched a drop in five months. However, during the time she was ill she put her children and the rest of the family through hell. We all watched while she slowly killed herself. She lied to us, used us and abused us. She said many terrible things that she can never take back. Meanwhile the booze ravaged her body. Her limbs were skeletal because she could not eat. The little she did consume she quickly regurgitated. Her teeth decayed. Her hair fell out. Menstruation stopped. Her stomach stuck out like that of a starving child in a developing country. Her face was tiny yet somehow bloated and moon-like. Her skin was green. Her eyes were yellow. She could scarcely walk. She looked like an old women on the brink of death. She lost control of her bowels and bladder and ceased to care about anybody or anything, including herself.

Alcoholism is a truly devastating disease for the alcoholic and those that love them. As with all addictions, it is necessary to be cruel in order to be kind. The spouse and family of an alcoholic have to show a very tough form of love. Unfortunately, you have to push them away in order to protect yourself. Do not give them money or alcohol. Hide your valuables well. Keep them away from you and your children unless or until they get clean. If at all possible, it is a very good idea to move out of the house where an alcoholic is living, regardless of whether the alcoholic is your spouse or not. Alcoholics are more than capable of physically and emotionally abusing those around them.

Do not waste your time confronting an alcoholic about their problem. This will only cause anger and resentment when they lie to you and make excuses for their addiction. They may even try to blame you for their problem.

For an alcoholic to get clean and stay that way requires an agenda of detoxification, counseling and rehabilitation. However, the sad truth is that alcoholics, like all addicts, will not do anything to overcome their problem unless or until they are ready to do so. You cannot force them to. They may not even wish to acknowledge that they even have a problem. My sister lived in a state of denial until such a time that it was obvious to even her that she was dying. Their addiction means that they do not care how much pain they put you through, because they do not even love themselves anymore. The only thing you can do if your spouse is an alcoholic is protect yourself and your children.

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