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An area of high school English that always gave me enjoyment was vocabulary instruction involving etymologies. Sometimes I would get so involved in a word's history that I would forget to give students its simple definition.

We were preparing for the SAT in one of my advanced sections when a hilarious and unforgettable situation arose. The students had alphabetical lists of difficult words and were asking for help with those they found unfamiliar. One student said, "How about this funny-looking word shibboleth', Mr. W? There must be something interesting about that one." I explained that the current meaning was an identifying watchword, saying, or slogan distinctive of a particular class, group, or profession. Then I launched into the etymology. I explained that in Biblical times there was warfare between the Ephraimites and the Gileadites. It was hard to tell who was a member of which group. Gileadite sentries were able to spot Ephraimite infiltrators by requiring them to pronounce the password "shibboleth-which, by the way, was a Hebrew word denoting either an ear of grain or a rushing stream.... I was interrupted by gales of laughter from a blonde named Bitsy-short for Elizabet-her unforgettable last name being Crapuchettes. "Bitsy," I asked calmly, "what are you finding so humorous?" Stifling her mirth, the cheerful student leader responded with the only profanity I ever heard her us-a two-syllable barnyard epithet. "I just figured you out," she trilled. "It's all bulls___. All these word histories and stories you give usthey're just bulls___. I mean EphraimitesGileaditesear of grainrushing stream'. You're just giving us made-up bull and wondering how far you can go before we catch on." I looked ashamed and called on another student to look up "shibboleth" in the unabridged dictionary and read the derivation aloud. When he got to the part about Ephraimites not being able to pronounce the "sh" and saying "sibboleth," and the reference to the Book of Judges, Bitsy just sat open-mouthed and we all had a good chuckle.

In a class of Advanced Juniors a few years later, some of the students noticed that I was an author of the literature anthology they were using. "You wrote this book?" they asked. I responded that I was one of a group responsible for the questions and other editorial material including the teacher's manual. "Then you must know all these words in the glossary," someone said. With mock seriousness I answered in the affirmative.

They had me close my book and started quizzing me on glossary words that they didn't know the meaning of and figured that I wouldn't either. I was proud of my performance. The textbook had just been printed, and I remembered quite well the stories and poems included in it. Most of the words they asked me to define were fairly straightforward items like "palazzo," "ottoman" and "harlequin." I surprised myself by recognizing their mispronunciation of "passementerie." I recalled the story it came from and that it referred to fancy edging or ornamentation on cloth or clothing. I was batting a thousand.

My self-esteem hit a peak when, after I correctly defined "sachem," a student demanded the language it came from. I guessed, "Algonquian," and enjoyed expressions of wondrous disbelief at my erudition. I stepped from behind my lectern assuming the game was over. A student named Patrick fired a last question.

"'Fly?' Mr. W."

Puzzled, I offered, "to move or pass through the air?"

"Alternative meaning," he said.

Looking down I saw that my trouser zipper was open. Victorious pride dissolved into blushing embarrassment as I reached down and righted the situation.

Learn more about this author, Kerry Michael Wood.
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