by Nerissa Lowe

Created on: May 21, 2007

Having moved to Norway, with a Norwegian vocabulary that consisted of the words: genser (jumper), snakke (speak) and elske (love), there were oh so many embarassing moments. I cannot count the times I slammed my forehead into doors before I learned the difference between 'skyv' and 'trekk' (push and pull). There were two particularly enormous cases of foot in mouth, that I still laugh 17 years on...

On the first occasion, I had been living in Norway for around about three months, and was so determined to learn the language that I spoke no English. I was at a bar with a group of friends, and the current boyfriend. The bar was crowded, and a few more people arrived to join our group. They were trying to find chairs, and I offered to sit on my boyfriends 'lap'. Only problem was, I didn't know the word for lap, so I improvised. I must have looked so pleased and kind when I offered the girl next to me my chair, and informed her that I was going to sit on my boyfriends 'lips'.

The second occasion, I was working for a very interesting couple, with amazing jobs. The husband(we shall call him Bjorn,)was working for an organisation called SINTEF. His job consisted of research and development within the fishing and marine industries. During his employment he had been stationed on a tiny island far to the north of Norway, called Svalbard. (This is a land where it is winter 12 months of the year, and the town has a polar bear alarm, which I believe is used on a fairly regular basis - but that's another story.) Bjorn and a co worker had been out collecting 'marine samples', and were returning to their outstation. As they approached the hut, they realised they were being followed by a large female polar bear and her cub. She was by now in hot pursuit, and polar bears are in no way related to the sloth. As they reached the hut, 'Bjorn's' associate made it inside, but Bjorn was forced to climb up onto the roof. He still had his rifle with him and was fairly sure he still had a bullet loaded, but was loathe to shoot this fabulous creature approaching him. Finally, she followed him up onto the roof, and only when it was a case of shoot or be mauled, did he fire. It was his last bullet. The Norwegian word for bullet is 'kule', the Norwegian slang word for the act of sex is 'knule'. As I was 'telling' this amazing story with great animation and exhuberance to a room full of my partner's older uncles, aunts, grandparents etc, I expressed how lucky 'Bjorn' was to have had that last 'knule'. There was an eerie silence, until one of the unlces said, 'Yes, it could well have been his last if he hadn't had that one bullet left'.

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