So you're rolling down the highway at ninety miles an hour. Golden Earring is filling your ears with "Radar Love." You are on the cell phone with one hand and adjusting the angle of your hat with the other. You are an American motorist out for a Sunday drive.

The sun is shining - the highway before you is straight and flat.

Life is good.

Suddenly you hear a sound that isn't coming from your stereo. It's a loud popping noise and you are just in the process of saying "What the heck-?" when your attention is diverted as your car begins a slow slide in a direction you are not steering in.

What could it be?

An earthquake?

A terrorist attack?

Nope. It's A TIRE BLOWOUT!

This is the point where most manuals will tell you the most important thing is to keep your cool and to try to get the car safely to the shoulder of the road. But I have a sneaking suspicion that the people who write these manuals have never actually had one of their tires blow out at speeds in excess of 90 miles an hour.

The first thing you need to do is try very hard not to pee your pants. This will do you no good whatsoever...and may or may not harm your reputation as a man's man if your friends find out.

The second thing you need to do is NOT cry like a little girl. (Like the peeing your pants thing, this will accomplish nothing at all.)

IF your car has a blowout, the most critical thing is to IMMEDIATELY begin apologizing to God for every thing you can think of that He may be annoyed at you for.

THEN you begin making lots of promises to Him - using as many verbs as possible.

AS you are doing the above, I strongly suggest that you release pressure on the gas and gradually allow the vehicle to slow down.

Pull your car into the shoulder lane.

Apply your hazard blinkers.

Check your pants.

Learn more about this author, David Thiel.
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