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out if I was good. It didn't happen, they said "show us three months of good behavior and working with counselors and maybe we'll consider a conditional discharge". I blew of course, and they put me in restraints for two and half days. I had time to do a lot of thinking and decided to try, that I had no control, and the only way to have any control and get out was to do the work and not act out.

I finally returned home after a six month stay. Why did they let me out, well, I did daily meetings with psychologists and groups and learned to use the gym to get out anxiety. Therapy with a punching bag was great, we would do our sessions in a gym with the bag handy to punch. Once I got home I started with a new therapist and with a group called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), working on skills (cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness) so as not to act on behaviors. DBT worked for me, but, not as much as it did several others. It's a wonderful therapy group and another place to recommend to the borderline. But, I still was drinking and it was part of DBT you loose your therapist for any type of acting out including drinking.

I had to start with a new one. To anyone, not just a borderline, changing therapists is a huge deal; learning to trust again and get to know them once again. I had no control and I worked hard right off with my new therapist trying not to drink. And we did a lot of very hard work together. Well anyway, still everyone expressed how big the changes where from the first day home from the hospital. For example, my asking how someone was, that was huge as I always was so wrapped up in myself previously. Also, I was willing to try new things and didn't want to hang out with others that where active in cutting and acting out. This is another important point, when I stopped hanging out with active borderlines there was no more competition, which putting us together sometimes created. That seemed silly and unproductive after I came back, and well, I just wanted to keep changing.

To prove this once I got married and moved away, due to his job, things changed even more. I didn't drink at all, didn't have really any issues except that it is hard for me to make new friends and that sometimes causes depression that I still work on, but, I cry easier now and laugh more, in general the days look brighter. I am very in love, which I thought would never happen, and am very happy which seemed impossible to me.

Recovery all starts with everyone knowing something

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