by Marie Tomas

Created on: May 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 19, 2007

Surviving your kid's divorce is no joke. The divorce rate is now a staggering one in two. And nearly 4 in 10 get divorced before their fourth anniversary. Not very encouraging. Which is probably why young people view the state of matrimony as risky as a mosquito views clinging to the antenna of a car doing 80 miles per hour.
When I was a kid, divorce was unusual. Rare. Only reserved for the celebrities. In fact, if someone got divorced, people would cover their mouths and say, "Can you imagine? The Molinaro's getting divorced? I wonder what happened?" Years ago,we had the decency to wait 15 or 20 years before we split. Our parents had a long time to relax. Today, it's as easy and as fast as micro waving frozen peas. We haven't even finished paying for the wedding gift we gave them when: BOOM! They're divorced.

My husband and I recently attended a wedding ceremony where the bride and groom split up before they exited the church. A record, I think. The bride didn't like the way the groom said, "I do." Not convincing enough. The saddened guests partied without them. So did the parents. Why shouldn't they? They paid enough for it.
But this is a throw-away society. We discard everything. TV'S because they're black and white or not big enough or remote controlled. Clothes from one year to the next, because burgundy is out and rust is in. I rummage through the clothes my kids are about to give to the Salvation Army and usually acquire a whole new wardrobe. And did you ever notice how much loose change you find on the street today? People don't bother to bend down and pick it up anymore. It's not worth it. Same thing with marriage. It's simply not worth bending a little.
Experts (those who have been divorced three or more times) speculate it's because men and women are just too equal. Too unisex. Both work. Both want simultaneous backrubs. Both refuse to take out the garbage. Six bags of garbage were exhibit a, b, c, d, e and f, in one such case, so I've heard.
Consider the goose, if you will. A splendid example of monogamy. Mate for life and usually pine away when their mate dies. It would appear easier for them to find a replacement, since most geese look, sound and walk alike. And they wouldn't have to pay a lawyer, alimony or gosling support. But they stick together through muck and mire. Geese take their vows seriously. Maybe it has something to do with their webbed feet.
Not so with young marrieds. They try it on. If it's too tight or uncomfortable, off it comes and into the garbage with the rest of the debris. And then they moan and groan and you moan and groan right along with them. Brace up. They survive. And so must you. Here are some tips for parents of newly divorced kids:

. Stock on tissues (the soft ones).
. Prepare yourself for higher phone bills as result of lengthy conversations. Probably two to three hours.
. Don't advise, even if you have to twist your lips and stick a sock in your mouth.
. Don't ask them to return to the nest. Ever. This can't work since a chemical reaction occurs immediately after they leave and they are now totally incompatible with your genes, your world and mostly your house.

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