by Marie Tomas

Created on: May 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 21, 2007

I've recently been introduced to Feng Shui, pronounced (fung shway). An ancient Chinese art of achieving perfect harmony and balance in your home, by placing furnishings and whatever else is hanging around, lamps, tables, dogs, husbands, in a certain chi friendly mode. Chi (pronounced chee; so why don't they spell it that way?) is favorable energy. Note: you don't want to get on the bad side of chi, or it can quickly turn into the disagreeable and moody sha (pronounced sha). Sha is bad energy. You don't want sha in your home. If you think you have sha in your home, make certain you call in a Feng Shui advisor to rid yourself of this nasty presence. Sometimes you can spray it away with Lysol Disinfectant.

Then there's the yin and the yang. You don't want too much of either. I definitely have entirely too much yang. Resulting in too much stuff and people. Too much yin is not so wonderful either. It creates a dismal, dreary feeling in your home. Tell it to get the hell out. Be assertive. Don't back down.
Also, where you live is another point to ponder. Feng Shui advises that you don't live near cemeteries, swamps, or at the edge of cliffs. It also frowns upon living beside an active volcano or quicksand. Doing so only pisses off the easily agitated chi.
I recently took a fresh look at my clutter filled home, consisting of a near complete collection of Beanie Babies. Dog stuff (like dog bowls, raw hide, big bones, small bones, tugatoys, a hundred pound bag of Doggie Yummies). And magnets (I have so many on my refrigerator that I can't find the handle). After a quick evaluation, I ran out and bought the book, "How to Turn Utter Chaos into Peace and Tranquility in One Week," by Myron Fong. In my case, it's roughly the equivalent of stuffing a harpooned whale into a breadbox.
The first thing you're supposed to do, is welcome your chi into your home. "Hi, chi, nice to meet you." "Feel free, Chi, to wander around. Help yourself to an apple. Put your feet up. Just don't trip over the six foot stack of magazines in the middle of the room and the two hundred plus knickknacks and lucky elephants (not the real ones, yet) piled in different corners."
I've vowed to get rid of the junk. Size down. Chi blockage is like clogged arteries. Sadly, my chi died a long time ago. Dropped dead of sheer exhaustion, trying to find an alternate route around the mounds of unpaid bills, unread articles and junk mail (love junk mail).
Admittedly, I live with the three C's: Clutter, Chaos and Confusion.

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