Living near a huge metropolitan area has its ups and downs, but one of my biggest pet peeves is dealing with the sheer number of drivers, many of who seem incompetent, lazy, or just think they're clever. The following is a list of many frustrating "road dances" I encounter daily, their basic "dance steps", and suggested solutions for them.

The Lane Change Boogie

The drivers must be on the far left or far right, but then cut across two or more lanes of traffic as fast as possible to make a turn or catch an exit that wasn't seen earlier.

Do they assume that there will always be space to pull this stunt each time they try it? Are they zoning out while driving and then suddenly realize where they are and try to make up for not paying attention?

The Slow Drift Waltz

For this dance, drivers must not touch their steering wheel for at least three seconds.

I guess drifters figure that since they're not in control in the first place and their car "wants" to drift into the next lane, they'll just make it look as if they meant to change lanes. Yeah, that's the ticket. At the very least, they should make sure that when they're idling at the light, their car is pointed straight ahead. This way, when it's time to move, they don't drive into or over the median on the other side. (Don't laugh, I've seen it happen!)

The Hurry-up Hustle

Amazingly, this dance is the most dangerous, yet the most frequently attempted: Drivers must zip in and out of lanes in an uneven pattern, while tailgating others with alarming regularity.

I realize that sometimes the drive goes slower than expected or emergencies arise, but during everyday travels, is it really worth risking their life over a few minutes? Be afraid, be very afraid!

The Alligator Crawl

Put...one...foot...in...front...of...the...other. ..foot...then...repeat.

How slow do they need to go to figure out where they are? Are street signs that difficult to read? Do their cars actually refuse to go faster than 25 mph? Why do they use high beams on a lighted two-lane road, blinding all oncoming drivers? Ophthalmologists are looking for (no pun intended) patients like these.

The Turn Signal Tango

The most confusing dance to watch, this one has two different versions. Drivers must change lanes on a multi-lane road or highway, OR turn at a non-lighted intersection, without using the turn signal. On the flip side, some drivers leave their signal on after merging or turning.

It's frustrating for other

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