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one is chosen for sacrifice to Ha'Shem, the other to carry sins into the wilderness (and, likely, off a cliff). Some of the sins we confess can only be absolved by Ha'Shem and must be given up in the burnt offering of the one goat. These would seem to be the sins that might affect us in the World that is Coming. Thus, we must cleanse our souls with Ha'Shem. Just as importantas indicated by the choosing being done by lotthere are the sins of this world. We must lay these upon the goat that is sent into the wildernesssend them out from us and our community to waste away in the desert. These are the sins between us and our community, and must be addressed in this world. In both cases, it is not enough to confess or acknowledge the sins. An offering must be made; thus we know that action must also be taken after the confession. The sins must be offered up either as a burnt offering to Ha'Shem or to the wilderness before redemption / atonement may come from the confession.

For me, this is the most significant personal Holy Season of the year. It is also the most difficult. I want to atone, to go to those I have wronged purposefully and inadvertently. My heart offers up apology. But the action is the hardest. Not only the act of offering the apology and asking forgivenessfor by comparison, this is easy. It is the act of making change within myself to prevent such acts in the future that I struggle with the most (even, or especially, while knowing that, as a human, my failings likely will win out) The past few years I have done what I could, struggling, but also making progress, going to those I have hurt deeply and discussing, apologizing, trying to re-connect and trying to find in myself what needs to change to allow T'Shuva. I hope that I can grow more fully into this sacred ritual of real personal growth, yet wonder continually at my weakness and unwillingness to look that deeply into my own short-comings.

It is easy to confess the sins. Even offering the burnt offering to Ha'Shem, which after all brings some sustenance in the eating of it (at least, symbolically), is relatively easy. It is the sending out into the wilderness, the sending away of the perfectly good goat that, after being shoved from the cliff (or wasting away in the desert) will not bring the sweet taste of meat, but the dry dust of Az'azel. Yet Az'azel, perhaps, offers us a glimpse of destiny or fortune, if the root relates to Mazel (my shoresh knowledge falls short on this point, however).

TANACH

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