by Simi Brown

Created on: May 13, 2007   Last Updated: May 14, 2007

Our children are our mirror. What we put in to them is what we will get out of them. Give a child love, and he will love you back. Listen to your child and he will listen to you. Talk to your child and he will talk to you. Do the opposite in any of these areas and that is exactly what you will get in return.
Though it may seem at times like our children are unreachable, the truth is they may not be as far away as we think.

When children rebel they are trying to tell us something. They need the same things that adults do. Aside from their physical needs, children need to feel loved for who they are. They need attention, a sense of privacy and independence, respect, trust, and security. They need to know that their feelings are being validated and that your expectations for them are realistic. When the sum total of these needs are not fulfilled then misbehavior or rebellion comes in. If you have a child 2-8, then know that these are the building years. At this time the child develops his sense of self-value and belonging from his parents. Thus this is the most important time to invest in your relationship with your child. And when a child feels connected to the parent, if open and respectful lines of communication have been established, then he will be less likely to rebel later on.
If you are already dealing with a teenager who is rebelling, then know that all is not lost. However, it may take a lot of time and persistence before you will be able to get through to him. You may need to rebuild a sense of trust. The first thing to do is to try to open up the lines of communication. The parent must be willing to truly listen and validate what ever the child is feeling (and validation doesn't mean that you have to agree with what's being said). Teenagers thrive on validation, respect, and sincerity. If you as the parent consistently give this to your child then over time, he may come over to your side.

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