by C.F. Stewart

Created on: May 13, 2007   Last Updated: May 20, 2007

While I would agree most men do not seem to be romanticist, there are some of us who are and in a big way. For example, I have never strayed, but for over 20 years, I have been married to the same woman because I love her and I still sense hope. Hope where? One could ask. Well, in her being able to overcome her horrible sexual dysfunction as we have been working on it for years. It is killing me and she claims it is doing the same to her. But why am I the one who always takes the initiative? I arrange the appointments, discuss matters and try to see a way through. There is never any overture from her. Finances have been a stressful component for years and she works the books, not I...on her insistence. If one of the two in a relationship has an active libido and the other one appears to have lost hers, what do you do? She is on Effexor for anxiety and this one is known to be a serious inhibitor to many, though not all. We both make good money, not great but certainly adequate for the times and yet, we always find ourselves in a bind. The stress mounts for her and invariably I pay for it in negative comments and what I like to call 'nightly disconnection' where she seems perfectly content to 'zone' out watching movies. I do not insist nor ask but do sporadically bring up the subject wherein she becomes irritated and prefers not to talk about it. She had post-partem depression badly after our second son was born and things were actually volatile at times. She has gotten past this point now, of course, having experienced it many years ago now. However, she has always been very quick to temper, domineering and nonsexual. We have been to so many counselors and we are now finally seeing a true sex therapist ( but only once to date ). Under the circumstances, I think I have been very understanding, perhaps too much so.

If there were ever a reason to stray, this surely seems to fit the bill. Nevertheless, morally, I think I am incapable but I do see my life ebbing away in this arena and it is quite a tough pill to swallow.

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