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Rewarding children for desired behavior is not, or should not be, the same thing as bribing them. Should you use rewards for good behavior? The answer is a resounding yes.

It is important to keep in mind that you are rewarding the behavior after the fact, not bribing your child to behave or giving them candy in the hopes that it will occupy them long enough for you to finish shopping. The reward should be a natural consequence, not payment.

The key to rewarding desired behavior is in not promising anything. The behavior should be expected at all times. Rewards beyond praise for behaving well in ordinary circumstances are excessive, unless you are attempting to break bad habits. They should be reserved for times when your child has resisted temptations above and beyond normal encounters.

As an example, I reward my boys for going through a store without touching unless asked. When surrounded by hundreds of gleaming, colorful packages and playthings it's hard for them to resist. If they do, they may get a bottle of flavored milk or a candy bar to share.

They get praise for sitting nicely and eating their dinner when we eat out, but not a reward. They are expected to do that whether we are at a restaurant, at a relative's house, or at home. Should we go to a restaurant where there are a large number of distractions, especially one where there are games or playground equipment, then being allowed to do those things out after the meal is the reward they get for eating nicely.

It is easy to bribe your children to behave, but that won't help you teach them to act like decent people when they are out of your sight. Rewarding them for doing a good job, on the other hand, is an excellent way to teach them that polite and considerate behavior is required for all circumstances.

Learn more about this author, Mel Bergen.
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