by Gary Peterson

Created on: May 11, 2007   Last Updated: May 16, 2007

This is the dawning of the New Age of Metaphors. Everyday conversation has become a game in which we use figures of speech instead of literal descriptions. We speak of things as if they were something else. For example, to "touch all the bases" is a baseball metaphor that otherwise means "to be comprehensive" about such and such. Conversely, when a baseball player "steals" second base, he's not being criminal; he's just running from point A to point B faster than someone else can throw the ball there (if he's got good "wheels.")

A synecdoche is a variant of the metaphor. It's when a part of something represents the whole thing, as in "they can't steal second if there's a strong arm' behind the plate." A metonym is also an associative term, like when an athlete is called a "jock" - derived from "jock strap." (And do you really think they call Randy Johnson the "Big Unit" just because he's like some tall, lanky pitching machine?) Meanwhile, the "family jewels" are more of a double entendre than a metaphor.

Here's an old standard from the meta-files: "He gave me a 'hard time,' so I 'cleaned his clock.'" That is to say that someone offended me so I thrashed him. But not really; I don't roll that way. It's better to "chill." Then you can either "work around," "smooth over," or "iron out" your differences if somebody is bugging you.

And speaking of bugs, we all use computers nowadays clicking and scrolling our way through a world of digital metaphors. If we had to use technical terms, the following statement could give even a grizzled computer geek the vapors:

"I peruse nonlinear data while navigating cyberspace with a hand operated raster coordinate interface device, but the algorithm is corrupt."

TRANSLATION: "I 'surf' the 'web' with a 'mouse' but my 'software' just 'crashed' my hard drive on the 'information highway.'" That's a string of mixed metaphors we can all understand.

Analogies (which spawn metaphors) are linguistic tools of science. They tell us that, for instance, electricity is like a sub-atomic version of its cosmic big brother - gravity. But metaphors are more subtle. They never use their real names. A metaphor is like the second half of an "if/then" statement. For example, IF the meta-object "face" combines with the referent "moon," THEN the result is, "Her face lights up a room" - a glowing testimony to radiant beauty. So then you say, "Hey there, Moon Pie - how about a little snack?" and, even though you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, she invites you into her kitchen and hopes you can cut it. But someone left the cake out in the rain, and you'll never have that recipe again (more proof that metaphors don't have to make sense to be a hit record). Or as Ophelia said of Hamlet (after he stung her with his pointed soliloquy),

"And I, of ladies most deject and wretched, that sucked the honey of his music vows."

Shakespeare must have been playing it by ear when he mixed up those metaphors. But then, I'm no rocket surgeon either.

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