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Normally I'm quite the optimistic person . . . and - I still am, even given this most challenging of goals: "How to find a cheap apartment in New York City."

However, realize: this IS the "Mother Of All Goals" - so we need to break it down into (at least) two parts: Part I is "finding an apartment - at all." Make no mistake - part I is NOT be taken for granted.

Part II is "finding a 'cheap apartment." Actually, it's best to throw 'cheap' out of your vocabulary - there's lots of 'cheap' things in NYC (none of which is worth the money by the way), but "apartments" are not one of them. So let's re-frame Part II as: "an apartment you can afford."

PART I:

To find an apartment "at all" is daunting because the vacancy rate for rental units in NYC is usually between 3.5% & 4.5%, on average, definitely lower than the 5% threshold mandated by State and City laws to justify the continuation of rent control and rent stabilization. 'Oh!' you're thinking, 'continuation of rent control and rent stabilization - that's good! . . . ' Well, it is GOOD for part II of our goal, but realize - anything below 5% defines a housing emergency. That's why your initial focus needs to be on finding an apartment period: it's going to be your second job - and it's going to feel like your primary one.

For example, in late December, 2005, the lease holder of the loft I was living in needed to convert all the living space into a space for his business because his regular business rental space was bought out by a developer, and finding new "affordable" retinal space was almost impossible - 'almost,' but not quite: I stood in the way of his Part II goal. There was just no other affordable option for him, so with T-minus 30 days & counting, I had to move fast.

I was about to undertake that classic "Great New York City Apartment Hunt" - and everything that you've ever heard or imagined? . . . It's WORSE! Its unbelievable!

To succeed then, you must you know what to expect. You must firmly put in your heart and mind the deepest possible meaning of "persistence" that you can. Reviewing some synonyms may help: e.g., longevity, 'staying power,' tenacity, permanence, SURVIVAL.

But take heart - you CAN do it:

To call it a housing "market" out here with a straight face is to invoke a convincing Orwellian spirit of double-speak. Your experience will consists of:

a) finding your way to Gothic smoky chaotic paper strewn offices of crazed landlords who see tenants as their natural advisories if not outright enemies:

("Queens

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