by Mary Pagay

Created on: May 10, 2007   Last Updated: May 18, 2007

We are in the midst of a generation (or two) of children who are being brought up by computers, televisions, and video games because both parents work to support the family. Kids are shuffled off to Day Care where discipline is second hand,if given at all. Kids are given lots of "things" because parents feel downright "guilty" for passing off their kids onto others to bring up because they have no other choice (afterall, parents need to get food onto the table, and the only way to do it is for both parents to hold down a job).

There was a time when dad was the breadwinner and mom stood home to bake cookies, clean the house, and take care of the kids. But the days of June Cleaver are over. And, today, there is hardly a household where both mom and dad aren't working long hours, pleasing a boss to make a buck, and are all but strangers to their children who are brought up by grandparents, nannies, au pairs, Day Cares, the public school system, and after school programs. The influence of almost everyone in society is included in their children's upbringing - everyone EXCEPT mom and dad, that is.

And while we are working to put food on the table, to climb that ladder of success, or to run after the next dollar, we feel a sense of guilt in our guts that prods us into buying little extras for the children whom we feel are "neglected" somehow. We use material things as a substitute for the care that we can't give our child AND as a means of wiping away the guilt that we feel for our orphan children. In a sense, we BUY our kid's love by getting them more and more things - and more and more EXPENSIVE things. And, in doing so, we feel absolved, and we feel that our kids have been "compensated" in some way from the lack of attention we give them.

Our children's bad behaviors that result from the above scenario are combination problems stemming from lack of parental guidance (because the parents are never THERE to guide them); the child's ACTING OUT to get attention from the adults around them (because they feel neglected); MATERIALISM used as a means of buying a child's love; and DISSATISFACTION within the heart and soul of the child who is getting everyone's negative attention but can't get what they REALLY WANT: the TIME with their parents and the PARENTAL guidance that they so crave.

The child feels cheated and the only way they can get the attention that they crave is through acting out. They become angry - at their parents for not BEING parents (it is hard for them to understand the harsh realities that the parents themselves feel cheated because they can't afford the time THEY crave with their children and the GUILT THEY FEEL for handing them to others to bring up). The anger and guilt, the acting up and the behaviors that mimic narcissism in our youth today is a direct reflection of what society has brought on to itself in developing a system where materialism defines the family circle.

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