by Jeff Bolz

Created on: May 09, 2007   Last Updated: May 21, 2007

Much of the difference separating the behavior of children today versus thirty years ago can be summed up in two words: Discipline, Attention.

In the 1970's when I was a child, I remember an expectation from society that I should do good and right by honor and fellowship. I went to church. I followed the "Golden Rule." I did what was expected of me and, while sometimes deviated from the course my parents laid out for me, I made an occasional mistake.

Sure, we had what was called "corporal punishment" in schools back then, where even your teacher or principle could whack your behind with a paddle if you fit the guidelines of 'misbehaving' and your parents had 'signed off' on such a notion.

Taking a look back; I despised my principle for demeaning me in that way, and my parents for allowing some stranger to thump my rear with a flat, European-style game stick. The ironic thing now is: I miss it. It was the era "when the discipline was lost."

Since the inception of "cradling" and "infantalizing" our children became a hobby some few decades ago, too few children received the proper guidance, discipline and attention that, for years, functioned well in our society so well before.

Granted, people will always have stories to tell of their youth, of their 'dysfunctional' family lifestyle that was overcome through their personal strength and desire to persevere and the sufferings they went through, etcetera. Who, I ask, doesn't have one?

The point is that over time with the new dawning of "pampering" our children to the point of coddling them until pubescence is as shocking as it is ineffective.

Children today strike out in unfathomable ways that were unconscionable a decade ago. today, in a grocery store, a child throws a tantrum, and the parent reaches for a "safety net"; a candy bar or other 'reward' to pacify their own desire to not deal with the problem: the 'out-of-control child'.

Instead, a 'permissive' strategy is employed and the child becomes indignant with his/her empowerment: acting out in angry, intolerable ways that translate in reality to simply wanting good, old-fashioned attention.

Too many parents today are afraid of the social 'stigma' associated with public discipline. Too many children are empowered by their schools (and peers) to 'turn' on their parents if 'abuse' is remotely assumed. Parents become frightened, as a result disengage; and the child continues to go about carelessly living a life abundantly absent its happiness.

More parents need to converse. Talking to each other is a start. Talking to your child is the solution; to get inside their heads with each and every opportunity is a way to build rapport and integrity that will last well into their adult years.

Disciplining your child (at least for me) has been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do: but it's for their own good. As long as it's consistent with what they've done, and provides an explanation of your disappointment and includes a solution to remedying the matter; there's no way to go wrong.

The onus is on the parent(s) to offer tough love when necessary. To ground your child or punish them hurts both parties equally emotionally, but must be understood as a means to a productive, pro-active end. If we, as parents, don't consider the fundamental needs a child has for the reason of their acting out and becoming angry or unhappy, then no amount of attention, what they really want, will matter.

If we choose to continue to ignore their attentive needs and not discern 'coddling' with 'discipline'; then, I'm afraid, we'll have a lot more unhappy children ahead of us.

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