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maintain yourself in silence.

But don't forget: everything is double-edged. You will live to see many who seemed to rule while all you knew was heartache move into areas of life for which they have no inner fortitude. Always having depended on their popularity, looks, money or connections they fail at the things that truly matter. You take no pleasure in that but you do notice it. The silence that you were forced to maintain for so long does not become for you the mental breeding ground of a serial killer or other kind of monster. Instead your imagination thrives and you develop a genuine love of the life of the mind. Gladly you won't do this in nerd fashion but with true joy. Those who get close enough to you to see this will find that they are quite happy with the discovery because your quiet exterior makes it easy for them to think otherwise easily. Therefore the friends you do make are truly friends.

But check this out. There is a woman waiting for you. In your teen years you will have girlfriends but none of them will be able to stay long with you because neither you nor they realize that the intensity of your feelings are so overwhelming because of what you've been forced to hold within. But when you finally leave home, knowing that if you don't something bad will happen, soon thereafter you will meet a woman who is truly a woman. Not only will she be physically beautiful but her heart will match. The very simplicity of her femininity will speak for itself. And as if these qualities were not enough she will be genuinely kind because she is genuinely Christian, not the scary television kind either. And though you will not believe it could happen to you until it does she will become your wife. Couldn't resist telling you.

Beyond this I think it wise not to go, but to leave this overview on a positive note (even though I obviously gave in to the temptation to describe some events; couldn't help it). You will go on to experience many pains, deeper than you ever thought of, but also pleasure and gratification. Bruce, you will come face to face with the reality of your great selfishness and it will humiliate you, as it should. But the double-edged secret you will find within that humiliation is that neither you nor anyone else ever finds a way to fill the great canyon between what they are and what they think they are. I can tell you that you will not try to blunt that truth with drugs, work, alcohol, money or sex (though you dabble in them all). I will let you

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