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was about 89 years old.

The last place Fred wanted to be was on a cruise ship. He was only there because his daughter made him go. He lived with her and as the week dragged on I came to believe she was just trying to get rid of him for a while. Fred was stubborn as an old goat and never listened to anyone.

Like for instance, when we reached Jamaica. I said to him. "Fred, remember what they said at the briefing. Take lots of one dollar bills. Don't take large bills. Don't take anything larger than five dollar bills."

"Oh, they don't know what the Hell they're talking about!" Fred said as he jammed a bunch of twenties in his pocket.

He had his mind made up that he was going to take a cab to some waterfall and I was just planning to find a nice sandy beach somewhere and do some sun tanning.

About 4 hours later I was back in the cabin when Fred walked in. He looked really pissed off. I thought I would cheer him up and said, "Fred, I found a really great beach just a fifteen minute walk from the pier. They brought me a beach chair for a dollar and a beer for a dollar. It was beautiful there. Then on the way back I bought these really great conch sea shells! Look how big they are. I got all three from this local fisherman for $2.00. How did you make out?"

"Sons of bitches!" Fred said in his usual friendly tone. "I get off the ship and this big black guy says he has a cab for me. So I get in and I tell him I want to go to these famous waterfalls. When we get there, I pulled my money out and asked how much. He looked at my money and said forty dollars. Twenty dollars to get here and twenty dollars to get back. So I gave it to him. Then he steers me towards this other guy who is selling all these souvenirs. I thought I better buy something. They had these wooden dolls. I said how much? He said $12. I pulled my money out. When he saw it he said I could have two dolls for twenty dollars. So I bought them. I thought I better. I didn't want to upset anyone."

Fred pulled this wooden doll out of his pocket. "See, here it is," he said. "You pull this string on its back and the legs go out and the arms go up."

Well Fred pulled the string and the legs went out and arms went up and the head flew off and whizzed past my ear and bounced off the cabin wall. "Bastards!" he yelled. "What a cheap piece of crap!"

"Yeah, and you have two of them," I said.

I know it wasn't the right thing to say at the time, but I just couldn't resist. It was the best part of the cruise. I just couldn't stop laughing.

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