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I remember my first cruise like it was last week. Even though it was about eighteen years ago. I believe I made just about every mistake possible when venturing out on my first cruising holiday.

First of all, I did no research at all on the pros and cons of the different cruise ship lines. Actually, at the time the Internet was not quite as widespread and available to everyone as it is now. I had no knowledge of computers and did not even know how to turn one on. So my options were limited.

I did what seemed logical to me. I went to a travel agent and said, "these are the dates I am going on holidays. Book me on a Caribbean cruise with whoever you think is best."

In seconds she deftly plucked a cruise out of her computer and said, "here is one with the dates you want. There is one cabin left and you are in luck. It will save you money because you can share the cabin with someone else who is traveling single."

Instead of warning bells sounding in my head, I had visions of "my" cruise ship bursting at the seams with an unending parade of eligible, single women. Along with my new found friend and cabin mate we would prowl every nook and cranny of our fifty thousand ton playground. We would search the ship from bow to stern in search of gorgeous willing playmates who had no doubt packed a different bikini for each day of the cruise.

Hold that thought! Keep in mind that I was not yet 40 years old.

Well lets leap ahead about 3 months. I have arrived in Miami. The flight was uneventful and I was really excited to get on board my floating resort. As I went through the boarding process I kept sneaking glances at my new shipmates who were boarding with me. My first thought was that it seemed like they were all somebody's grandparents. I fought back the panic and convinced myself that because I had arrived late, all the young, beautiful single women had already boarded.

As I made my way through hoards of white-haired people and dozens of wheelchairs, something I had once heard about cruises came to mind.

"Cruises are for the newly wed or nearly dead!"

And I didn't see any wedding dresses.

As a sense of doom settled over me, I had one thought that gave me some reassurance. As least I would have a cabin mate to go ashore with and raise a little Hell.

Not so fast sailor!

I opened my cabin door and for the first time I saw Fred. My cabin mate for the next week. My partner in crime. My womanizing side kick. My drinking buddy.

Well, I never did come right out and ask him, but I think Fred

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