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The Humorous Guide to College Students with Hovering Parents

Did Mom interrupt your Philosophy class, flying from Wisconsin to sunny Florida, to bring you sunscreen?
Has dad left you twenty messages on your dorm phone, one more frantic than the other, reminding you that it's Fluffy the family cat's third birthday and that you haven't called to wish him a happy birthday?

If so, your parents might be clinging just a tad too hard. Here is a guide on how to manage your hovering parents

Accept that they will not change. Remember when mom pretty much bandaged you from head to toe when you fell and scraped your knee playing kickball? Well, she hasn't changed much since then, and you can only expect the worrying and babying to get much worse once you've fled the nest. If you are armed with the weapon of awareness, dealing with your clingy parents will be much easier.

Don't be alone! If dad's prone to showing up with the diaper cream he and mom always use on your rashes, clue in a few of your friends, especially your roommates. You do not need to be alone in dealing with your clingy parents. In fact, your friends might have a few tricks up their sleeve to help you get away from them!

Limited Access- Know that mom will call you five hundred times a day to see if you've eaten lunch yet? Don't give her your dorm number. In fact, keep any material away from her that has any of your college numbers. Give her your cell number, and keep it off when you cannot be interrupted.

Know where (and when) to hide. If you've just about had it with your overprotective parents, have an unpopulated, peaceful, and hard to find spot you can go to with friends so you don't choke out your dad. Try a place that's hard to reach, like an underground tunnel, or high up like a tall tree. You want to be out of sight so when your parents come hunting you down, you'll be nowhere to find. Also, be unavailable when your parents come around so they'll get into the habit of calling before they arrive. That way you'll know when to expect them, and therefore when to disappear.

When worse comes to worse, go incognito! If you know your parents are on campus, asking everyone they run into if they've seen you, it's time to put on your trenchcoat, sun glasses, and hat. You're not Lisa, you're secret agent 0021. You're not on your way to the dining hall, you're investigating a potential poisoning in Morris Hall. If they still don't believe you, talk into your pen as you run away.

Learn more about this author, H.G. Hess.
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