by Robert Gillis

Created on: May 07, 2007   Last Updated: May 16, 2007

While I am generally not prone to murderous rage, I think one day I'm just going snap and bludgeon a cell phone user to death, and I think I have a fair chance that a jury will be sympathetic.

The general public has taken a technological marvel (a cell phone) that was supposed to make our lives more convenient and accessible, and turned it into something that has amplified rudeness to the nth degree.

I acknowledge that cell phones are handy and have become as much as part of our daily life as, oh, I don't know, breathing. They have a purpose and can be useful. I (reluctantly) own one and yes, it has come in handy on more than one occasion. But I barely use the thing. I have a five hour a month plan and I doubt I've ever gone over 90 minutes.

I am clearly in the minority here. The larger percentage of the people I encounter daily are at some point in the day doing something else while yapping on the cell phone. Invariably, I am in a trapped situation (train / work / elevator / canoe) where I can't get away and am therefore subjected to VERY LOUD TALKING and a conversation I: a) am not part of; b) is none of my business and c) could not possibly care less about.

"I'M ON THE TRAIN!" they say thirty times. "I SAID I'M ON THE TRAIN! I'M GOING TO LOSE YOU! I'M ON THE TRAIN. WE'RE GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL! I'M GOING TO LOSE YOU!"

Oh, you're about to lose something, all right.

Cute story: I was riding the Red Line one night with my mom. A guy on his cell started the "I'M ON THE TRAIN" thing, and I was so annoyed that so I pulled my cell phone from my jacket, flipped it open, and started doing the same thing. "I'm at south Station. SOUTH STATION! I'M ON THE TRAIN!" My mom thought it was hilarious. The guy on the cell phone making all the noise? Right over his head. Never got the joke.

I love the people who get on the cell phone and start yelling at their kids / spouse / partner / hamster. You'd think they'd be embarrassed. They are clearly not. To reiterate: A conversation I: a) am not part of; b) is none of my business and c) could not possibly care less about.

I'm all for freedom of speech, but how about shutting the thing off when it's not appropriate (church, theater, movie, anger management class, school room, etc).

Newsflash #1: Guess what? You aren't carrying the nuclear launch codes and you're not a thoracic surgeon on call. It's OK to be out of reach for 30 minutes. Let them leave a message. Let them call back.

Every time I am in a public bathroom and I hear someone

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