The first funeral that I should have attended was that of my grandfather.I had never been to a funeral before and was not even told about this one. My parents went without me whilst I was left with a distant relative knowing that it wasn't an ordinary day, but not knowing why.

It was thought, by my mother, that as a child I was too young and that it would be painful for me. Now I am an adult I wonder if it was me that she was protecting or herself as for her to see me cry would have made things harder for her. Also if I had seen her break down she would have felt weak and helpless.

In Ireland, I believe that it used to be traditional for mourners to see their loved one laying in state and in this way to say goodbye and add closure to the sudden loss that they were experiencing.

In other cultures it is normal for funerals to be accompanied by wailing and sobbing, thus expressing the emotion involved and feelings for the person who has just died.

We all deal with death in different ways and although I wished that I had been able to be more involved in my grandfathers funeral so that I truly understood that he had gone, funerals do not suit everyone.

How an individual wishes to mark the occasion of the death of another is a highly personal matter.

Whist some people gain comfort from an organized funeral others really dislike the whole affair and may even find it inappropriate, especially if the funeral is held in a church and they are not religious.

At certain funerals I have attended I have noticed people who seem to be professional mourners. These people turn up to as many funerals as possible, even when they didn't actually have contact with the deceased when alive. I find this distasteful and just a little odd and tend to prefer to mark the passing of friends and family by lighting a candle at home and sending them energy in the form of loving thoughts to help them on their way.

If you think that the family of the person who has died would appreciate it you could send a wreath or flowers to the service and a telegram of support to them.

It is the intention of your thoughts and feelings that matter, rather than actually attending a funeral service. To remember the deceased or say goodbye it is fine to follow your feelings rather than the masses.

Learn more about this author, Heidi Marie Fleetfoot.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Funerals: Not for everyone?
We want to hear your view. Write now!