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It can bring out a couple's devotion to one another so that they build on their existing strong relationship; or it can pull a couple apart, intensifying existing conflicts. A disability is an added stress to any relationship. How you've handled stress in the past will affect how you'll handle this particular stress. It is important not to blame anybody; it's no one's fault."

So many things were weighing on Bruce's heart as he sat in the safety of his familiar surroundings with this very unfamiliar female at his feet. For ten minutes he poured out the years of fear and frustration at having been alone. He explained how he had decided to fix himself and make himself attractive to women.

"I taught myself to walk properly, " he said sitting straight up in the chair, "and to talk properly."

He didn't mention how he had learned to groom himself and to make himself attractive. But I had noticed. He had more bottles of mouthwash, tubes of deodorant, toothpaste, soap, variety of colognes and after-shaves than a corner drug store. He had a sewing kit beside his chair but couldn't thread the needle or mend the tears in his clothes with only one fully functioning hand. He had made every conceivable effort to improve his behavior, his speech and his appearance.

Dr. Hahn also stated that "My research and my own experience tell me that many adults with disabilities who seek an appropriate mate are not operating on a level playing field. Like most activities in modern society, the search for conjugal partners is a competitive process in which men and women who approximate cultural ideals of physical attractiveness enjoy a decided advantage.

Ever since the concept of romantic love replaced arranged marriage as the basis of family formation during the enlightenment, physical attraction has been considered an indispensable foundation for intimate relationships."

With stubborn determination, and though his words were catching in his throat, Bruce continued,

"I decided to be ready. I never thought anyone would see. But you see. You see how I've changed. You see how I'm better."

Dr. Hahn's report continued. "Even persons who have difficulty in forming such relationships are usually advised to concentrate their attention on someone whom they find attractive. And yet, the perceptible signs of physical differences or disabilities are commonly regarded as unattractive. In fact, as the concept of asexual objectification indicates, conspicuous disabilities may be viewed as synonymous with unattractiveness.

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