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one-bedroom apartment with little modification for his disabilities. He walked across a common yard to the laundry room every Sunday morning to do his laundry. He had a closet full of clothes ranging from size 36 to 44. The styles covered an even wider range, dating from the 1970's to the late 1990's thrift store bargains. He wore the same pair of pants for three days straight and then they would go to the laundry basket. His shirts would last at least two days before laundering. That evening as I sat at his feet, Bruce continued sharing his self-assessment and wonderment at my presence.

"I thought no one would look at me. Well, not a woman." His statement caught my full attention again. Tears were now spilling down his face.

"And here you are. Right here. In my apartment! Talking to me, looking at me, smiling at me and fixing my toes." His voice was catching in his throat and I was feeling the strength of his words deep in my heart.

In a report entitled "Love, Sex and Disability: Maintaining Interest and Intimacy" co-authored by polio survivor, Harlan Hahn, Ph.D., he shares personal insights. "I can also offer some thoughts derived from my own experience. One suggestion concerns what I call the dysfunctionality of denial.

I found, for example, that when I was wrestling with the issue of my acceptability to the opposite sex, therapists and others gave me one of two messages. One message was, "There is nothing wrong. Disabled people can find suitable partners as easily as nondisabled persons. I don't see why you're troubled by this." The other was, "There's nothing that can be done. That's just the way things are. You can't possibly change them."

Neither message was true, and neither was particularly comforting. What no one gave me was a way to work within the gray area between these extremes. There was no value in denying that my disability reduced my chances of finding a mate, or that the situation was hopeless."

For seven years Bruce had dealt with shattered self-esteem, damaged self-image, bouts of depression and social rejection (events to which I'd been an occasional witness). Now, in total disregard for the odds against him, he continued to gaze deep into my eyes and bare his soul.

"I don't know why you're here. I've been by myself for seven years. I had two relationships. Then I was done. No more. But here you are." He was looking into my face with amazement.

Citing the previous report, Dr. Harlan continues, "Any disability has a strong effect on a relationship.

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