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and Roberts a hooker (Vivian Ward), the story kicks off when Roberts is asked for directions. Rather than giving the usual babble of an answer that the rest of us give - follow the road down to the bottom then turn left followed by a right then take the next turning by the police station blah, blah - nope, the pretty prosser says she's going to charge for directions and then jumps in the car when offered some money. Yeah, right. The rest of the movie is the utterly absurd notion that the glamorous looking prostitute who looks like she's jumped straight of the centrefold of a glossy will get it on with the high fallutin lawyer. I hate the movie on so many levels. It was nominated for awards - why? Julia Roberts was nominated as best actress for an Oscar - why? Doesn't anybody out there realise that stuff like this doesn't happen to prostitutes? I mean, you can't see Wayne Rooney picking up a kerb crawler and then eventually marry her. No - he'd still be rinsing out her false teeth afterwards. I shudder to think of all the teenage girls that watched this movie and thought that being a woman of the night could somehow turn into something good. I suppose it doesn't help that I've never liked Julia Roberts much, what with her big lips and body doubles used in other movies. She even stank as "Tinkerbell" in Spielberg's "Hook" I'm not that fond of Gere either. He's all white teeth and dashing demeanour when we all know he really wants a kebab and a bottle of Newkie Brun like everyone else. The script is supposed to be startlingly funny but lines like "Vivian: That would make you a... lawyer. Edward Lewis: What makes you think I'm a lawyer? Vivian: You have that sharp, useless look about you. I mean, what's funny about that? Oh yeah and that polo scene where Vivian's whooping and a hollering whilst all the other porsh ladies are looking at her all gone out and she says something about using him for sex. Oh look, this is just a very, very bad movie and I forbid you all from watching it.

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