by Alisa Starr

Created on: May 04, 2007   Last Updated: May 09, 2007

People who feel comfortable stealing do so for a couple of reasons; but most of all, it is because their lives are messy. Something, or someone has wronged them and they feel as if they deserve whatever it is they are stealing.

As a manager of a bookstore, my company instructed us that our employees will steal when given the opportunity. All we had to do, our corporate office dictated, was take away the opportunity. But as I diligently watched over my cash register, I noticed something else; employees tend to steal if they feel like they aren't being treated well. If you pay an employee what they're worth, and treat them with respect for their work and themselves, they will not feel the need to steal from you. My company didn't believe in paying their employees, so they had reason to be nervous of theft.

A few years ago, I joined a support group for survivors of child sex abuse. The therapist asked us to take some questionnaires, as a check in to see how we were doing. The question "do you steal?" came up several times. After we had taken the questionnaire, we talked about it. That question had little to do with sexual abuse, it seemed to me, when I pointed that out, the therapist shrugged "It's a common symptom of abuse. Does anyone else have anything to say about this?" a few of the other women in the group said that there were times when they would steal on a regular basis. "When I take something from a store, I feel more in control" a younger girl in the group said.

This is not to say that all people who have survived sexual abuse steal, but it does say that when people feel as if their lives are not in their control; whether it's because they are underpaid, or someone has hurt them, and gotten away with it, stealing is a means of taking control back. Much like anorexia and bulimia are attempts to control your body, when the rest of your life is out of control.

I don't steal. I'm always worried people can see right through me. My friends, over the years, have had sticky fingers. I'm not above accepting stolen gifts, so when a friend grabbed me something I would think "You think it's OK to steal? Huh." And then smilingly accept my gift and move on. It didn't occur to me until much later that the act of stealing itself was a warning that they feel bad, that they were hurting, or something was scaring the crap out of them.

Knowing why people steal doesn't necessarily help the average retailer keep their stock from walking out the door, but it could help you, as you go through your daily life. Friends who steal have deeper problems than avoiding mall security, it is a sure sign that they need help, that something in their life is scaring or overwhelming them. It's a good time to offer them some support.

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