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I began parenting with the typical new parent resolve: I'd never pop a pacifier in my baby's mouth just to shut him up; I'd never hand my baby over to someone else when he was crying; and foremost, I'd never get frustrated with my cuddly darling. But, as any other new parent, it didn't take long for the resolve to weaken. By week three, my breastfed baby had a pacifier in his mouth, his father was taking a turn, and I was busy coaching myself through my frustration. And still, he cried for no apparent reason. Though I'm merely on the threshold of parenting, already I've learned some techniques for handling crying that have relieved some of the frustration.
Probably every new mom deep down inside has images of a giant S plastered on her front with a cape billowing out behind her. She, with her raging maternal instincts, will be able to handle mothering her baby all on her own. But come two o'clock in the morning when you are still up with your crying little one, the cape will lose its bluster and the "super mom" image will become a bit disheveled. Asking for help, however, does not make you any less of a mom; it makes you human.
1. Call for help.
This is not a sign of weakness on your part; its just being smart. You cannot be the best mom for your baby when you are not getting a break. Whether the help comes in the form of a friend or family member, or hired help-if you need it, don't be afraid to ask for it.
2. Allow your husband to help in his own way.
Your husband tries one of his first attempts to dress your baby and you watch as your little one screams in terror, his head stuck in his shirt, arms half way in the sleeves; and suddenly everything in you wants to step in and take over. That's not how you do it. But if it gets to be too much to watch, walk away. Not only is this a great opportunity for your husband to learn and to bond with your baby, but you also need to be able to take a break. Your baby and husband will survive the experience.
3. Plan your strategy in advance.
Probably the hardest crying to deal with occurs at night, when you've put your baby down for the fifth time and have crept softly to bed. Snuggling under the covers, you breathe a sigh of relief, only to hear your little one screeching once more. You stomp towards the nursery murmuring "What's wrong with you?" At this moment, control is slipping. How do you regain control? Plan in advance what you will do the next time he wakes up. As you creep softly to bed, think to yourself, "Next time, I'm going to try feeding him again." Or "Next time, I'll try dressing him more warmly." There are always a variety of options. Select one for next time. Then, when you hear him cry, you have a plan to repress that frustration.
4. Cuddle and talk with your spouse.
When the crying gets to be too much, let your baby cry while you and your spouse talk through the situation, the day, or something totally unrelated. The few minutes your baby cries will not kill him, and you will be able to deal with the situation better if you take a few minutes to collect yourself. Also, the time with your spouse will provide the support and accountability you need to make the right decisions.
Moments of frustration, though far from pleasant, do not disqualify you from the BEST PARENT PERFORMANCE award. So brush out your cape and stand tall: your baby needs you.
Learn more about this author, Tracy Glockle.
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