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There are as many courses of action and beliefs about parenting as there are types of beer, wine and liquor. Perhaps the most important thing to know is how a child thinks, behaves and what his or her long term inclinations are. Even though children change a lot from their pre -teen years to youth some trends in their personalities have already started to develop. For example, have they displayed potential toward an addictive personality, quirks in behavior that could grow with time, unusual attitudes, interests or patterns of behavior toward people, school or family. Children give signs just like adults do and these signs may be indicators of future long term personality. Nothing is set in stone however, and a sip of alcohol is not a gulp, or a sip every night so let's keep it in perspective. Keeping the child's personality in mind is key to making decisions about what to do with you child however and may help form a sort of individualized social compass for the parent's decision making process. Turning the focus outward from the child, parent relationship and the child's individual behavior more common beliefs can then be considered. Two such beliefs are as follows.

Conservative View:

Alcohol is illegal for underage drinkers. Therefore one should not let children sip alcohol. It also sends the message alcohol is okay instead of sending the message it's only okay for adults. Some things require patience, and alcohol is one of those things. Besides most children don't like the taste of alcohol and would prefer a sugar loaded soft drink. If a yummy alternative is offered at the same time as the alcohol perhaps the child would be distracted into something legal. Parents are role models and family leaders, soft leadership can result in soft interpretation of the rules, rule bending, and rule stretching. This sets in motion a negative pattern that can last a lifetime.

Liberal View:

A sip of alcohol barely contains enough alcohol to intoxicate a mouse yet alone a child. The law is designed to prevent children from becoming intoxicated and damaging their livers at an early age of development. Children should be taught flexibility and not dogmatic behavior. Knowing how to teach a child maturity involves issuing trust through actions such as allowing a child to have a sip of alcohol. When a child has the chance to realize they don't like alcohol, they probably won't drink it again. What's more by the time they do reach legal age the dogmatic approach would yield all at home drinking rights without restriction. What preparation does an absolutist childhood give for legal drinking if an adult drinks as much as they want when their children are watching. Responsibility is a flexible and mature handling of issues not a controlling pattern of behavior.

While these perspectives are important, the issue is not always this black and white and can often contain gray areas such as those mentioned in the first part of this article, the nature of the parents, genetic pre -disposition, other aspects of child psychology and social environment. A good rule of thumb is to consider the potential consequences of every action toward a child. What will the impact be, how does the action contribute or take away from the child's development and how will the child handle it are all good questions to ask before taking action. Some decisions are more important than others, but ultimately the decision rests with the parent to weigh all the factors and choose to act in a way that is appropriate for the situation.

Learn more about this author, A.W. Berry.
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