by Author Name Withheld 204

Created on: May 03, 2007

After decades of yo-yo dieting, I've finally realized that my problem is not with the latest diet I've chosen and failed with but rather with my own internal resistance to losing weight. This is not a new concept however, once I decided to NOT DIET for a while and just pay attention to my own inner voices, I finally had that a-ha moment.

Sitting in a local restaurant reading over the menu, I discovered there are two of me, battling to be in control. One voice saying, you know you need to order a salad or or something on the 'Lite' menu while another voice seduces me to imagine how good the richest sauces will taste and, what the heck, it's just one meal.

Standing in front of the refrigerator, door in hand, trying to focus on the apples and oranges that are starting to look a little wrinkled, I began to hear the argument in my head again. Yes, I do love the taste of a good crisp apple....but hey, look there's still some pudding leftover and if go ahead and eat it all up now, then it won't be there, tempting me anymore...

And so I sat down with one of my many 'diet books' and began to review. Luckily, I obsessively use yellow highlighter when first reading a new diet book, so I can give myself a refresher course in any of them in a very short time. I read, I comprehend just fine....what is my problem?

My self-esteem is intact as far as I can tell. That is...until I have to go somewhere that I might be recognized from my younger, thinner years. Okay, maybe I could use some improvement there. So I sat down and I began to type, random thoughts, asking myself some hard questions. And then it hit me. I have lost my own trust. After years of losing some weight and then gaining it back plus some, I had finally convinced my own subconscious that I couldn't or wouldn't do it. Follow through till the end. Succeed and then maintain.

I've talked to many like me who have struggled unsuccessfully reach their goal weight and maintain it. When I ask them if they trust themselves to get the job done I often find the question earns a startled look and then a guilty expression.

Since my own a-ha moment, I've chosen a new tack on my own weight loss journey. I can figure in my head the Weight Watcher points of most common foods. I'm pretty good at turning my dinner plate into a Zone and I can eyeball portions with fairly good accuracy. BUT, that isn't my focus for now. Right now I'm earning my own trust again. Slowly. When those two voices start up in my head, arguing over MY food choices, I get them to negotiate. One meal at a time. And I'm not stressing over any deadline anymore. So what that I've only lost 8 pounds in the last 5 months? Once I completely BELIEVE in myself again, the rest will take care of itself.

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