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As I trawl through articles titled "the Best Cell Phone Unit In The World", I can't help thinking that I'm being subject to SPAM.

"Ooh," they squirm, in a near-erotic state of gadget-worship, "the Nokirolagoogooplex 4000Kr2 has a built-in 17 megapixel smooth-scrolling QWERTY keyboard function with audio-sync MP3 GPS nanochip IR transfer capability."

So?

No, really - it's a legitimate question. It's a p-h-o-n-e that fits in your p-o-c-k-e-t.

I'm not going to pitch that fuddy-duddy poop about "well if it gets you from a to b", but am going to instead ask another legitimate question.

Are you concerned that other people's cell phones are more exciting than your life?

Our relationship with technology has been massively outpaced by two things - technology itself, obviously, and marketing, with the need for a phone that can carry a photo album of every person you've ever met and the ability to pick up anorexic supermodels in smear-fast makeup way way down the back.

I'd simply suggest that the best cell phone in the world is the one that does what you actually want it to.

If you need a phone that will artificially inflate your self-esteem until the same model is rereleased in three months, but with streaming Big Brother, a missile defence system, and a bottle of Paris Hilton's personal fragrance 'Vapid', then shop away.

Of course, you might prefer to do what I do - by a phone with less personality than myself, and try to seem interesting by comparison.

Learn more about this author, Roger Hanney.
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