by Kate Hudson

Created on: May 02, 2007   Last Updated: May 04, 2007

It's always difficult getting used to new sleeping arrangements. If you are used to having somebody sleep next to you then being without them can feel very strange. The bedroom feels so quiet and empty. You might miss their smell, the warmth of their body near yours, the physical sensations of sleeping so close to somebody else. You might miss the routine you shared as you got ready for bed and sleep. Maybe the it's the intimate moments that you miss. It's likely to be a combination of several factors. There are several small things that you can do to make the transition period easier while you adjust to sleeping alone.

I found it helped me to think of the bedroom as my own personal space rather than a shared space. Small changes to the bed and the room can help you achieve this. You could try moving the bed to another spot in the room, painting the walls, buying new bedding in your favourite colour, adding a few throw pillows, anything that makes the space feel like it belongs to just you. If you're not ready for big chances then something as simple as clean sheets or spraying your favourite scent in the room could help. Anything that makes the room feel like a place you want to spend time will help you to make the mental shift to sleeping alone.

A change in your bedtime routine can also make a lot of difference to how you feel about going to bed alone. Now that you have the place to yourself you are free to spend as long as you want in the bathroom, take a bubble bath and pamper yourself. Take a book with you and read before you sleep. Play some relaxing music, or dance around the bedroom singing to your hairbrush. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself that you didn't take the time to do before. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it takes your mind off missing your absent bedmate.

If you can't feel good about going to bed alone yet then that is just fine too. It takes time to get used to things and to heal. It might help if you find something different to do before you go to bed so that you don't have to enter the empty room until the last possible moment. Have that last cup of tea downstairs in front of the tv, chat with a friend online, watch a movie, find something comforting to fill the evening. Try to make sure you feel relaxed and sleepy before you go to bed so that you spend less time awake in the bedroom.

Even after your best efforts, the nights can be long and lonely sometimes. It might help to have an extra pillow or a soft toy to hug when it gets difficult. If you find the room too quiet you could try gentle music or a relaxation CD. If you really can't stand to be alone, invite a friend to stay, or go away for a few nights.

Of course, if it's the intimate times that you miss, there are plenty of stores out there on the internet that sell a wide variety of toys and aids. Go on, treat yourself to some fun :D

Whatever you do to help you cope in the night, try not to feel bad about it. It is perfectly normally to have bad nights and we all need our coping mechanisms, and you will no doubt find something that works for you. Don't be too hard on yourself, it will get easier with time.

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