The secret of listening to your teenage daughter, is to listen without commenting. That's the key. I learned quickly with my two teenage daughters that all their confiding in me did not mean that they wanted my input. It was a humbling lesson. They just wanted to talk, to spout off, to ramble, express, complain, or vent. Whatever the case, they weren't talking to me, they were just talking. They weren't looking for answers. It was hard, but I mastered the art of responding with silence. It brought peace to the communication process and with it, understanding.

Sometimes, I'd make the mistake and offer an opinion based on years of experience which included my own teen years. Wrong! They don't want to hear what I did or how I handled a particular problem or situation. Goodness, that was light years ago. I don't think they really want to know that their mother actually went through the same things. So, except for extreme situations when I truly believe my wisdom will benefit them, I just keep quiet. I listen with my heart, but I don't always take what they say to heart. I know tomorrow another phase may emerge, another challenge, another way of looking at things will develop. Yesterday's experiences will be filed away or cast away.

A sense of humor helps when listening to your daughters. They see everything as an issue, a burden, a catastrophe, or a life altering affair. That may be the case sometimes, but I've found that it generally isn't. Teach your daughters to laugh. Most situations than not can be handled lightheartedly. They don't require the deep, deep thinking that teens get trapped in because they don't know how to end the thinking process. Teach them discernment. To not make issues out of everything. Know when a burden is really a burden, a tragedy is a tragedy, and when a somber state of mind is necessary. Teenage girls have a way of bundling everything inside the same emotion. That's what's earned them the nickname "drama queens."

Enjoy listening, even when it's on their own terms. You're the sounding board. Whenever I attempt to be more than that, especially when my comments are not invited, it breaks the flow of conversation and suddenly a pleasant or purposeful moment becomes stressed. So, I listen and I listen and I listen. Nothing brings more enjoyment than to have my daughters, both still teens, interrupt me from whatever I'm doing to sit cross-legged on my bed or perched on the kitchen stool or lazing in my favorite chair and yak to their hearts' content. It's an investment that has reaped benefits galore. They don't discuss everything with me, some things are left for each other or for friends. But, they've found talking to their mother is kind of like therapy.

Knowing I don't have to have all the answers is liberating. It takes the pressure off and allows me wonderful moments of plain old girl talk. Both of my daughters have struggled through normal phases and are now looking back, sorting out the life lessons they've learned. It is a reminder that we all get past these days. My mother did. I did. Now my daughters will. Listening is a requirement for a mother. It's what we do. Hopefully, my daughters have learned from me through all my listening.

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