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While it is usually an accumulation of the small stuff that does a marriage in, there are some which seem to affect most marriages drastically. Knowing ahead of time what these causes are can help you to stay out of messy divorces and keep your sanity.

1) Infidelity. This almost always leads to divorce. Why? The other person's trust has been violated; their ego smashed into a thousand pieces. Your partner will feel betrayed, unloved, and not good enough (Why else would you seek to be with someone other than him/her?). Truly, this is a difficult place to come back from. Trust is not easily re-established, even by the best of us.

2) Finances. Look out! If a day goes by without this subject coming up, you are one of the fortunate ones. In many cases this can lead to a lot of blame games and put immense stress and tension on both parties. Take it easy! It's only money. If you show as much respect for your money as you should for each other, it will correct itself. If you feel your partner is irresponsible with money, teaching them the correct way to handle it can go a long way; not everyone is brought up in an environment where money is carefully spent and saved. The good news is, a little knowledge on the subject and some compromises will make everyone concerned a bit happier.

4) Lack of communication. Talk; don't yell. This is your best friend, the love of your life; don't they deserve a few minutes of your time? It is frustrating to not feel heard. Pay attention. Listen to the words behind the words. "The house is a mess!" may really mean "I've had the worst day at work, and I was looking forward to coming home and relaxing. Now, there's no dinner, and the kids are beating each other up." Don't take things so personally.

Understanding and compassion are key. We all get caught up in the busy day-to-day, pull your wading boots up the crud is that high, but don't let it come into your relationship. This is your sacred space; and, if you don't have one, make one!

Honor your spouse's feelings. Feelings aren't right or wrong; they just are. Feelings don't have to be based on fact. They can easily stem from fear or insecurity. Couples can be afraid of a variety of things, such as: Does he still find me attractive and desirable? Does she still need me? When your partner is lashing out, it may be helpful to hear "I'm scared." How would you handle that situation then? It's harder to be drawn into the anger or negativity when you see the bigger picture. Take the time to do that.

Want to stay out of the divorce courts? Take a little more care, concern, and respect in your relationships. It's hard work, but isn't your marriage worth it?

Learn more about this author, Tammy Attama.
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