1 of 120

Write now Article Tools

Divorce is an ugly word, however, as we live in a society that where approximately 40% of marriages end in divorce, it is something that every couple must consider as a possibility. It is easy to blame society for the more frequent disintigration of marriage, but the reality is that it isn't lax morals or the like, it is the very fact that couples can divorce fairly easily.

Historically marriage and religion is intertwined. Looking back even just 50 years, divorce was a dirty word, caused by horrible people and not something a self respecting husband or wife would consider. Society's treatment of divorced people would be to shun them or whisper behind a hand, "He's divorced you know." As if divorce were a terrible secret not to be revealed. Similar to women who got pregnant out of wedlock, those who fled wedlock often were treated badly or even banned from their families.

Thankfully today that happens less often, though there are staunchly religious families who will not accept this fate even today, most people don't worry that they will be banned from the church and their community and family if they divorce.
Interestingly enough, the more common reasons remain the same: infidelity, lack of interest, abuse, money, the inability to have children, and, people change and are not the same people who married many years ago. Sure, there are more modern reasons as well such as career, one partner wants children the doesn't (the choice is what's new), differing religions (such as muslim and christian) and finding neither wants to change...

It would be wrong to say people jump into marriage lightly, but some reasons such as parental pressure or pregnancy do remain common reasons to this day. Regardless of the reasons why a couple marries, or doesn't since living together is now a legal option in many places, how the road to divorce happens is often the same.

You need to be open to one another, discussing and truly listening to each other's concerns, you must be mindful of the other's feelings on things, consult when there are large purchases or things that affect the entire family. Communication is key to maintaining a healthly relationship, but respect is vital. Respect means that a partner makes that phone call, or holds their tongue when in anger they have a word they'd like to call their partner. It means not flirting with your coworker, not getting drunk and acting meanly towards your partner, it means not spending your entire paycheque on something before bills and groceries are paid, it means helping out with the housework and childcare (and that goes for both partners these days), it means not being dismissive of your partner's thoughts and feelings. Respect also means not putting the other down, or raising a hand to hurt them.

Specialists say they can always tell when a couple who enters into couples councelling will be unsuccessful. It happens when one or both speaks of the other with contempt in their voice. Once that has crept in there really is not burying hatchets or mending fences. Contempt means they have lost respect for each other.

And so it is that underneath all the reasons for divorce, and there are as many reasons as there are couples, the lack of respect is truly the root of it all.

Learn more about this author, Catherine M. Harris.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about The most frequent cause of divorce?
We want to hear your view. Write now!