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They then either walk away or turn a conversation into a mini volcano. A marriage can't thrive in this kind of one way communication.

Whatever else is going on in a marriage, communication is the key to keep a marriage functioning smoothly. There will be road bumps but they will be minor and easily rectified.

Of course, there are a host of other issues such as abuse, adultery, and alcoholism to name a few. These need communication of a very different kind. Communication with a therapist for both spouses if possible. These problems are much more difficult to address and a professional is the best way to resolve them.

When a long term marriage ends in divorce, it's often because they have grown and changed over the years. If they have devided responsibilities, i.e. she does the kids, he does the car and house maintenance, there isn't much to talk about. While the kids are at home, there is always something to talk about. I can remember when our kids were small lying in bed at night telling my husband what they had said and done that day. We would laugh at all the things we couldn't laugh at when the kids were there. Thirty-nine years later, we have separate bedrooms.

He's married to his job and I have my dogs. I have a chronic illness so I need his insurance coverage. But I have no one to talk to. If I were healthy, we would be one of the 50% that ends in divorce. We never figured out a way to talk to each other. I've lived with this man twice as long as I lived without him but I don't know him. He doesn't know me either. It's very sad. We have so much to be thankful for. Three bright caring kids who are all doing well at their chosen careers. One adorable granddaughter who is the light of our lives. My husband makes a comfortable living. We have a beautiful house and are able to take nice vacations. Not together of course, I go by myself and he goes with his brothers and we try to get the whole family together at least once a year.

If we went somewhere together, I don't know what we would talk about. Anything that did come up would end in a fight. It always does.

Communication. More important than love or romance or money or sex or anything else you could name. Try it. You might like it.

Learn more about this author, Vicki Brown.
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