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My husband and I have been married for over 39 years. When people ask how we've stayed together so long, I tell them we never got a divorce! This always gets a laugh.

But, divorce is not a laughing matter. The divorce rate in the US is over 50%. That means half of all marriages end in divorce. Why is this? What is going on in our society to cause people to toss aside their marriages so easily?

The easy answers are; divorce is acceptable now, it's easy to get one, being single is okay, marriage isn't for everyone.

I think that the root of most divorces is communication or the lack of communication. Look at how we communicate in general. We e-mail, we text, we IM. Communication in short messages without much substance.

Communication in marriage is like that as well. Both spouses are busy. Usually they both work outside the home. Time is scheduled so tightly that you have to make an appointment to talk to each other.

And when a couple sits down to talk it's usually because of some crisis or big decision that needs to be made. Each spouse has already made up their mind about the subject to be discussed. They have their arguments all lined up. It's like two armies waiting for someone to yell "Charge!"

A big part of communication is listening. Really listening and hearing what each has to say. It doesn't help if you listen with your answer running. And, you can't really hear if you're making the grocery list in your head.

Couples who don't talk about what's going on in their lives or how they feel about something are doomed. When you keep things to yourself, eventually, they will come spilling out like ash from a volcano. Anger, bitterness, resentfulness, blame, will spew forth and cover your spouse like hot lava. The instinctive response to this is either spew back or walk away.

Neither is helpful but who would want to stand there and take it? If you have established a pattern of communication, you know what to do. Let the eruption run it's course. Then just be there for your spouse. If you have established good communication, a rant like this one is an exception and you have learned how to handle it.

The worst communication break down comes when one spouse wants to talk things out and the other doesn't but doesn't admit it. So the scenario is a bit different. In this case the communicating spouse initiates a conversation. The other spouse sits there feigning interest. It doesn't take long for spouse A to catch on to what's happening or not happening. They're doing a monologue.

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