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And how often have I had to scream that the T in often is silent?

I have a hard time with Latin words and phrases that entered our language without their original pronunciation. So I can't bring myself to put a long "i" in "sinecure," even though it would be correct, and I will continue to do so sine die (SEE-nay DEE-ay, not Sigh-nee Dye-ee,) as one hears the phrase in courtrooms. Such sounds make this former altar boy and Latin student gri-MACE, (while most people GRIM-us). So much for the schism (SIZZ-um, not SKIZZ-um) between how most people say things and how those things should be said. I stray now to other matters, such meandering being my wont. (It should be pronounced WUNT, but making it rhyme with "don't" is more pleasant to the ear; consequently, that is my wont.)

I'm at war with the many abusers of the word "of." Why do they say "too big of a debt" and "a couple drinks"? It should be "too big a debt" and "a couple of drinks"-"couple" being a noun in these cases and not an adjective. And would that I had a nickel for every time I have cringed at a person who laid (instead of lay) in bed all day, and golfers who lay four instead of lying three. Why is it that even people who know better say "bigger than me" when it should be "than I"? I fear that correct grammar is becoming stigmatized as overly precious and formal. What is so difficult about apostrophe rules? A lady at a table outside the post office tried to get me to sign a petition about the proposed golf course pro shop expansion. She became quite snippy when I said the enlarged facility was much needed just like the apostrophes missing from her posters, which said over and over "Its irresponsible." Years ago I brought a small claims suit against a Ford dealer for selling me a purportedly new Mustang which I discovered to have had extensive body repair work and repainting prior to my purchase. To support my claim I had my body-and-fender man write a statement citing evidence he found of repair and repainting having been done before I brought the car to him. He handwrote a page, then read through it and inserted an apostrophe before the final letter in every word ending in "s" whether or not it was a possessive, a contraction, or a simple plural. I was pleased, feeling that the resulting errors testified that the statement was written by a mechanic/car painter rather than by the English teacher plaintiff in the case.

Another LAMentable (not laMENTable) phenomenon is the that the singular nouns criterion and phenomenon are on the endangered species list. Species is a noun that can be either singular or plural; however, phenomena and criteria are plurals. We often hear things like "My main criteria for making this decision is..." or "This is an interesting phenomena."

I like to argue that sense and logic underlie grammar, but illogic exists as well. If it is correct to say "I walked" and "I did not walk," should not one also say "I used to walk" and "I did not use (no d) to walk"? For no logical reason and unlike every other verb in the language,'use to' negates to "did not used to." When I officially appoint myself Grand Panjandrum of matters lexical, I shall change that.

Just between you and I (ouch!) there's hundreds (ugh!) of other errors I could go into-like "between you and I" (which should be "between you and me") and using "there's" instead of "there are" to introduce a plural subject, but I'm afraid I'm getting like you know tedious. You know what I'm saying?

Learn more about this author, Kerry Michael Wood.
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